Discerning Apparent Angels of Light

14 And no wonder! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
2 Corinthians 11:14 (NRSV)

I did not share this at the "did anyone have a problem with alcohol today" part of the AA meeting, largely because it wasn't THAT much of a problem and I tend to talk enough as it is.

But last night, at the church's spaghetti dinner, it crossed my mind that it would be nice to have a glass of wine.

Now, as it turns out, my housemate still drinks, so there is hard liquor, beer and wine in the house pretty much all the time.

And, in the almost four weeks that I've been sober, I've gone to a number of bar & grill / restaurants that serve alcohol.

But last night, the venue was so decent, so light-hearted, and such a family-friendly affair with ages from tots to great-grandparents - the bulk of whom were drinking non-alcoholic drinks - that I really had the "what's the harm?" temptation at the thought of a beer or glass of wine.

It was brief and not seriously entertained but it DID cross my mind in a way it has not in the other more typical drinking environments.

I think it was the very innocence and normality of the situation that briefly stuck the idea to my mind like some kind of Post-It note from HIS NIBS of the horns and pointy-tail himself. I mean, other folks were having a beer or a wine with no ill effects, why couldn't I?

Someone in recovery came over to me (about at the time I was deciding whether or not I needed to begin attending Overeater's Anonymous groups as well :-) ) and I told them of my experience.

They said, "Bill, I'm afraid that you've already gone to too many AA meetings and have already considered what will happen to you if you take that drink. You've seen too much. Drinking has been ruined for you. Even if you ever take another drink, God forbid, you'll never ENJOY another drink again."

I think they're right.

I re-considered the situation in my mind today and thought of it in terms of a detective thriller: I'm the detective and the only one at this innocent, festive gathering who knows there is a cold-blooded killer in the room masquerading as a normal, likable person.

And the person they are trying to kill is me.

No one else, necessarily.

Just me.

Someday I'll put my overheated imagination to good use and write a freakin' novel and get it published. :-)

IT APPEARS I CAN EVEN SCREW UP SOBRIETY :-)

So, here I am, going to my 3rd AA meeting. My first at this location.

The location being Trinity Episcopal Church in Bethlehem where I was turned down for ordination three (count'm) three times and fired as youth group adviser at least twice. Maybe more. :-)

Two and a half years ago I returned as an AARP kitchen worker at Trinity's soup kitchen.

I've long since reconciled my Trinity experience and am still an Episcopalian at heart but, nonetheless, WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN HERE?! :-)

I drive to Trinity after work and park my car in the lot. As I've done since the 1970's. I walked around the side of the building and went up two stairs to the entrance to the AA room, as I've done since the 1970's.

I didn't clear the second step.

Not having the grace to simply trip and fall down, I let out a holler, stagger around trying to right myself, and crash to the pavement - my Alcoholics Anonymous book, my notebook and my pen cast to the wind.

I hit the ground, roll over on my back and - after a quick physical inventory - start laughing like someone in an asylum, to be quite honest. (Apparently, I'm easily amused.)

ANYONE who saw me collapse in a pathetic pile literally at the front door of the AA meeting would have certainly thought I had come to the right place, if a bit too late. :-)

I was laughing, I decided, because I thought - this is SO unfair. I haven't had a drink since March 11th, two weeks ago.

No one saw me, though, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

It's one of those stories that's too good to be true... it might have been nice to have a witness. I mean, besides God.

By the Grace of God I will hopefully suffer no worse tumble than that in AA.